That Sschphlarths don’t like scorpions is the kind of stuff that’s nice to know before you get accidentally-on-purpose zapped across the universe to the wrong address that happens to be their neighborhood. When in Rome, and all that, for sure, but when you wake up as one of them and you know you are not one of them, you tend to do anything to prove to yourself and anybody else paying attention that you are what you really are. 
I’m not a Sschphlarth! I’m a human being!
At least the Elephant Man was an elephant in looks only. And really, not even that. He looked way more human than elephant. He also looked way more human than I do. But he had the DNA to prove it, even though even though nobody knew anything about DNA back then. At least they could dig him up and take a sample if anybody had doubts. Me? I got no human DNA in my bones. I don’t even have bones. I’ve got a shell, I think. Is that what these are? My bones are on the outside. I’ve got all Sschphlarth DNA in my veins. Tell you the truth, I’m not too sure I’ve even got veins. Do the Sschphlarth have veins? I don’t even know if the Sschphlarth have DNA or what passes as their version of DNA.
Again, I have to say, this kind of stuff would be nice to read in a brochure during the trip. A trip would be nice, too.
Anyone who knows me, who knew before, and/or now knows I’m a Scorpio. I don’t really care about the astrology thing. Something about the sign, the symbol, the scorpion, a crab kind of thing with a mighty sting, really speaks to me. Some people collect spiders, snakes, butterflies, what have you. I collect scorpions. Most of the tattoos that decorated my human body followed the scorpion theme. And so, when I began drawing, recreating a semblance of my old tattoos on my Sschphlarth arms, bells rang, lights flashed, whistles blew.
Only after somebody had turned off all the alarms did I notice an official-looking panel of Sschphlarths, A Trio of Elders is as close as I can translate their collective title. Each seemed constantly attuned to the other, three moving, doing and being as one. I could sense sympathy from them, not from each of them, but from the three of them as though one. I knew that they knew that this was some kind of misunderstanding, that as far as they were concerned, the alarms were an overreaction. But such was standard procedure. I also understood they would explain why the place was put on red alert, but only after I explained to them why I had invoked a vivid and most horrible representation of this most dangerous and hated enemy, and that I should depict such creatures in colors of deeply religious, even sacred connotations, and that I should depict them on this mostly highly regarded and sanctified parts of my shell.
Like I said, there wasn’t anything about this in the in-flight magazine. A magazine would have been nice. A flight, even a flight, would have been nice. No duty-free shops here.
darkness would not follow that dusk for another ten minutes or so. I don’t know why, but I happened to have a flashlight, a torch. Over a foot long and stainless steel, ribbed to prevent loss-of-grip, this was the prized flashlight of my father’s household. I had no 
the central cabin, the boxcar section, the front of which was the loading area with the cockpit overhead. What was so amazing about this design was that the nose section opened like a door, hinges on one side, more like a shell than a door, control cockpit and all. This, I learned, from the 
“the incident” was declassified as was going to be declassified, I started hearing that Kafka name again. I read the story. It all made sense. Pretty 
all you can eat at P’rader Willies’
Just when you thought menu portions were getting smaller and their prices were getting higher, a new all-you-can-eat restaurant opens its doors1 to the public.
At P’rader Willie’s Restaurant, one price fits all for an all-day, all-you-can-eat buffet.
“You pay when you walk in the doors,” says Willie LaPrada, proprietor and host of the establishment that bears his name, or nickname. “A hunnered dollars gets you in for the day. One, thin, one hundred dollar bill in the morning, per person. We’re talkin’ three square meals for well-rounded folks with an appetite to match!”
The good news is that customers can come and go as many times as they like during a single day “as long as it’s no more than three times,” LaPrada points out. “We suggest you get here in the morning, start a breakfast and come back for the other two meals.”
“So far, business has been better than we first projected,” said the company’s V.P. of Operations, Adrien Fry. “We underestimated the number of parking spaces we would need during peak business hours. But we contracted with the fitness center next door to use some of their parking spaces. They don’t get all at much business and so they’re seeing a lot more heavy traffic than they are used to.”
“It’s an interesting business model and a fascinating concept,” says Don Clamp, Director of Marketing for Blinkerman Multinational, the world’s largest multi-chain restaurant corporation. “We give it three more weeks before they run out of business. You just can’t be that generous without people eating you out of house and home.”
“Well, that’s a big, fat lie,” insists LaPrada. “We’ve got it all figured out with our fancy spread sheets and calculations and everything. So, he don’t need to worry about us running out of business. Clamp just needs to worry about keeping his own job, is all. That’s his problem.”
LaPrada got the idea when he went on a honeymoon cruise with his fourth wife. He’d never been on a cruise ship and didn’t realize that the price of meals was included.
“I kept on looking for the cashier or waiting for somebody to bring us a bill or something! I was starting to get all nervous. Finally I asked one of them fellers with the hats what I was supposed to do and he set me straight. But, lawdy! That was some of the best eatin’ I ever did do.”
LaPrada went on to explain how he would hear laughter from the kitchen area that would stop as soon as he would walk around the corner. His bride filed for a marriage annulment as soon as the couple got back to port.