My absolute ignorance of the Disney Baby Einstein product, until this morning, is further proof my offspring have sprung off from high school to eternity. Never heard of it. Probably would have ignored back in the day… back when it could have made a difference in my childrens’ cognitive plumbing. Always have I been a sucker for any marketing bent toward making me look smart. It’s just so hard to be a genius when you’re as stupid as I am. My children, however, have always been far ahead in all things, certainly more so than your children whom we all know are spoiled, undisciplined, over-nourished idiotic excuses for humanity’s next generation, the hope of our planet, the unspoken designated victims of global thermostat upward nudging.
We are obligated to ponder the benefits of the Baby Einstein products upon its namesake had Einstein as a baby been exposed. As we ponder this and all otherponder-ables into imponderability, we must conclude that it really doesn’t matter.
Abraham and Helen Einstein.
The gleam in Abe’s eye is Albert.
Sure, we get the name-association with Einstein. For Einstein, even as a baby, has gotta be smarter than anyone I know. And so, the Baby Einstein marketers market the Baby Einstein bill of goods in a box with the mantra “if you buy this they (the babies) will be smart.” I’m paraphrasing of course, way, way beyond it.
Einstein as a baby was like most other babies. He was a baby. He had issues. What I remember most-reported about his toddler years is that he was at the bottom of the charts verbally. He didn’t talk until he was four. I have no idea what this could mean or how it could possibly indicate anything about any other human in a similar developmental stage of life. We are obligated to ponder the benefits of the Baby Einstein products upon its namesake had Einstein as a baby been exposed. As we ponder this and all other ponder-ables into imponderability, we must conclude that it really doesn’t matter. Like all explorations into fortunes, roads not taken or taken, horoscopes read and scoffed at or carefully observed, what has happened has happened. What will happen will happen as result of infinite variables blending as one. The point is not that whatever we do does not matter. Whatever we do does matter. Something about a butterfly flutters across my mind at this point, but I just don’t know why.
At any rate, or not, Disney has agreed to reimburse the full amount to all those who have purchased the above mentioned. Good for them. Einstein probably would have been embarrassed at the iconic association with his name and whatever it is or was that Baby Einstein is or was. A huge move like this is, well, I want to say genius. But it isn’t. It’s gutsy, ballsy, expensive, and bound to run counter to the actions of anyone who cares anything about shareholders. Cynicism insists something more is at stake. Warm fuzzy actions that grate against the cold hearts of corporate boardroom members will enjoy a gnat’s lifespan save the numbers bear witness in multiple spreadsheets and sundry models, illustrating scenarios convincing and accessible to even the deflective “decision maker.”
Long and short, they’re giving back the money and taking “educational” out of the promotional stuff that has anything to do with Baby Einstein. Yes, it has something to do with threat of legal action. Class-action suits. Not even Disney is immune.
More questions: What are the limits? What are the terms? What prevents anyone from buying up all the Baby Einstein stuff they can find at garage sales and anywhere else, paying a pittance, and then selling it back to the manufacturer at full price? Huh? I’m sure they’ve thought of that, the geniuses they are.
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Disney has enough and to spare, and can make themselves look heroic with one hand as in the recall, because they know how to cover up unheroic corporate battles with the other. It’s the nature of living in such a strange brew of imagination, pandering to children of all ages, and being a big player on Dow Jones. I live 80 miles from Dland, and it gets more about money every minute, much less every year. But now for more news – what about this, the Great DRY WALL of China that’s come down the pike today? Can’t wait for the political cartoonists to get a hold of that one. The possibilities are endless – the great wall made of pressed drywall sheets, or a wall of the toxic stuff between us and them out in the Pacific, or how ’bout missiles loaded with drywall pieces headed our way over the ocean and into the hearts and homes of all Americans? not to worry, though, this is only for newer houses – since 2004.