ugly rotating head on top

our architect firm pitched the idea of mounting a rotating head atop SCC HQ, proportionate to the size of the building so as to be “life-size.”

metropolis goddess

Makes your head spin just thinking about it. So, don’t.

Now this is the kind of off-the-grid-fifty-universes-over-from-the-next-parking-lot-from-the-warehouse-where-the-box-usually-is thinking we like to encourage around here. Following our company’s founding tenets of non-critical criticizing, we congratulated the firm and thanked them for their hard work and visionary insight.  We especially liked the part about the giant head on top making the building a spitting image, at a distance, of a PEZ dispenser. Our legal team pointed out all kinds of potential legal problems. We were disappointed that our company did not at the time of this writing produce something that would come out of the dispenser’s mouth periodically. But that would be a horribly awkward delivery system owing to the highly trafficked streets below. No one mentioned anything about how PEZ heads don’t rotate. Still, big fat kudos for the thoughtfulness. The real problem is that we facade over the high-speed, hyper RPM sub-quantum warning system antenna. But we’ll get there.

Klaatu called, he wants his shiny metallic object back

 

Klaatu says howdy as Gort looks for weapons to melt.

Klaatu says howdy as Gort scans for potential weapons to melt.

Professor Barnhart, the smartest man in the world, contacted the offices of Sacred Clone Chronicles with news of a communication he received from Klaatu.

“Moriblaz kliphm noopro lantupulo psyrintlib maraclin,”said Klaatu, according to Barnhart.

“It goes on like this for about eight hundred pages or so,” said Barnhart. “Here, I’ll read it to you: Moncli nadoplictonrinca sphlectisto marapulo victu marinngane….  And then on page 477 the whole tone of the message changes after the word ‘Boyonce.’ Turns out that’s how the pronounce Beyonce in their language.”

Translation: You know, you guys haven’t changed a bit since we left. All those people joining together for a moment of unity, right where we landed back in 1951 of y0ur Earth years, and the biggest news of the event is that Beyonce lip synced. All societies on this end of the galaxy are amazed you still haven’t destroyed your planet. 

deny dean eye

I got in trouble for the first time when I lied about getting on the Dean’s List. The job, that job, the one I had, almost had at that time and indeed would have in a very short time and for a very short time, seemed so important at the time. And so, during the interview I let something slip out, just a sideways mention of it as an off-off-handed comment, just a non-important tossing of a salad. Eyebrows raised. I blushed like a school secretary with too much cleavage. None of this made the difference as to whether or not I got hired. Continue reading deny dean eye

Carrier Wave

The music, don’t worry, carries away in a shopping basket,

Frozen peas for a pillow, cool and soft, warm and sweet.

Words and sounds decay through the air we breathe a dozen

Breaths per minute, inhale, exhale, difficult as the task it

Has become, to the point of exhaustion as we merely complete

A sentence, something we’ve done so thoughtlessly–those inch-

Long phrases never measuring up or down or any direction we

Let our subjects wander. Most years we never saw coming until

Here upon us, life’s bellows, or billows, squeezed Smitty’s

Little accordion. One note only hissing at wood, a ship, a tree.

The wind fills our solidly trimmed sails, fade in the sun, still,

Placid as a mirror you can hold like that pillow. Split peas

Softening with age, so much younger than friends we forget

As they have forgotten us, little frozen spheres the flash

Of which is well thawed on the way home, green as the day

Pods ripped and spilled them, anonymous mass in conveyors of wet

Produce, boiled without tattoos, without arms, hoarded in a cache

Below instant zero, static until now, until the steam bouquet

Blooms against the ceiling. And this, baptism by water, total

Immersion, you know, is the best way to learn a new language,

Heated so that surface swirls curl back in waves without foam.

No games here. All these little balls. No games. A gravy mote

Around the starchy white castle, guards awaiting the changes,

Press their forks into the road as lovers lying awake at home.

Current world population (estimated): .

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